Adjusting to a UK School After Living Abroad

When ex-pats decide to move back home to Blighty, often the transition can be a difficult one – especially if there are children involved.

Parents who grew up in the UK might think that “going home” will be easy for everyone. But for children who have spent a significant portion of their lives abroad – or even all their lives – moving “back” to the UK can often mean a rocky adjustment.

Entering a UK school, either for the first time or after a long period of time – can be especially difficult on kids, even if they have attended a British school abroad. And if they have attended a school where the primary language is not English, the adjustment can be even more difficult.

Language Barriers

Adults who travel and work abroad may move from place to place every three or four years, and may never really pick up the language. Children, however, have an extraordinary capacity to learn another lingua, and sometimes their mother tongue may suffer.

It’s easy to assume that going home to the UK means that all language barriers will disappear. But for children for whom English has become their second language, moving back to an English-speaking world is not always easy.

Don’t assume that your child will rejoice in having to speak English 24/7. They might struggle with their English language skills, and they may also miss speaking the language they've become used to. The adjustment can take a while, so be patient while they struggle to express themselves.

Trying to Fit In

Kids of all ages usually want nothing more than to fit in, and that can be hard when they are unsure of the social customs in a different society. If they left the UK only a few years ago they might be thrilled at returning, but might also underestimate how things have changed in their absence.

The general rule of thumb is that the younger the child, the easier the adjustment. Teenagers will find it harder to fit in on the most part, both to make new friends and cope with new ways of studying and learning.

Encouraging your children to explore new interests can help them both to regain some lost confidence and make new friends. Capitalise on their interests and strengths, and help them to join new clubs and groups.

Top Tips

Here are some top tips to help your children adjust more easily…

• Allow your children to keep in touch with their old friends, either via phone calls or email. Some parents think cutting all ties, especially if a child is homesick, is the best way. But that can backfire, and also fill your child with resentment.
• Speak to the school beforehand and express your worries and concerns, if you have any. A problem shared is that much more easily dealt with. Keep a positive focus, no matter what, and share your optimism with your children.
• Ask the school about any clubs, groups or extra-curricular activities your children might be interested in (music, sport, drama), so they will have something to look forward to as well as some potential new friends.
• Try to meet children who attend the same school beforehand in an informal setting, such as a playdate or barbecue at your home (depending on the age of your children).
• Make sure the doors of communication are always open between you and your children, and that you are willing to listen to all their complaints, no matter how trivial they might appear to you.

Helping your children adjust to a new life back in the UK – and a UK school – may take more time than you anticipated. Keep in mind that while you may feel like you’re going home, your children may feel exactly the opposite.

Adjusting to any new school is hard, with unfamiliar faces and friendships that may have already been forged years ago. Encouraging active involvement in the school and reaching out to make new friends is one way break the ice.

Being patient and helping your children to find their own way is the best possible method of dealing with what to them is a foreign experience. Being open with the school and sharing some of their fears can also help make the adjustment easier.